Genie

Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.

Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the
window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll
haveapologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw
the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken
antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke
my window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see,
I'm a g enie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand
years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three
wishes. I'll Give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll
keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my
life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can
do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"

"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked. "I'd
like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country
in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be
safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

" Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with
a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your
wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we
both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mul! led it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but
what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband.

"I'd do the same for you!" So the genie and the woman went upstairs
where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The
genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your
husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.


"Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you
still believe in genies?"

Why Chinese should not have Christian names

Anne Chang
(Mandarin)-Dirty

Anne Chin
(Mandarin) - Keep quiet

Faye Chen
(Mandarin) - Dusty

Carl Cheng
(Hokkien) - Buttock

Monica Cheng
Hokkien) - Touching your buttocks

Lucy Leow
(Hokkien) - You are dead

Jane Tan
(Mandarin) - Frying eggs

Suzie Leow
(Hokkien) - Lost till death

Henry Mah
(Mandarin) - Hate your mum

Corrine Tai
(Hokkien) - Poor fellow

Paul Chan
(Mandarin) - Bankrupt

Nelson Tan
(Mandarin) - Bird laying eggs

Leslie Tong
(Mandarin) - Rubbish bin

Carmen Teng
(Hokkien) - Leg hair long

Connie Mah
(Cantonese) - Call your mother

Danny See
(Hokkien) - Squeeze you to death

Rosie Teng
(Hokkien) - Screws and nails

Pete Tsai
(Hokkien) - Nose droppings

Macy Koh
(Cantonese) - Never die before

Handling the heat

Editor's note: This article was originally published in TheStarOnline.com.my website.

A YOUNG woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each over a high fire. Soon the pots came to a boil. In the first one, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last, oolong tea. She let the pots sit and boil without saying a word.

About twenty minutes later, she turned off the burners. She fished out the carrots and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she poured the oolong tea into a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me what you see.”

“Carrots, eggs and oolong tea,” the daughter replied.

Her mother beckoned her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she looked at the hard-boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the oolong. The daughter smiled as she tasted the tea’s rich aroma, then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting in the boiling water, its inside hardened.

The oolong tea was unique, however. After the leaves had been in the boiling water, they had changed the colour and taste of the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or oolong tea? Think of this: Which am I?

“Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

“Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a break-up, financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside, am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

“Or am I like the oolong tea? The tea actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases its fragrance and flavour. If you are like the tea, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity?”

Are you a carrot, an egg or oolong tea?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

Farmer's Donkey

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

NOW --------

Enough of that crap ...

The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who had
tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer
eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:

When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass,
it always comes back to bite you.

English

The English did invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when communicating their intentions. Compare these phrases that Malaysians and Britons use to say the same thing: So, why make things so confusing and waste of money when you are on a long distance call. Make it snappy.


WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kews (Excuse)

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (while pointing at door) Can or not?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan! (don't want)

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah! (Shut up lah)

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Why like that???? (jumping to conclusion)

Mindful of the heart

Editor's note: This article was originally published in The Star Online.

Mindful of the heart

By LIM WEY WEN

Our state of mind matters more to the health of our hearts than we may think.

THE list of risk factors for heart disease emailed to me by senior consultant psychiatrist Prof Ainsah Omar looked run-of-the-mill, but for two factors: “Type A personality, and stress”.

Until recently, the effects of these two as risk factors for heart disease have been mostly observational and retrospective. Building a good support system can also go a long way in helping you handle stress better.

In the Los Angeles earthquake in 1994, half of all immediate deaths were found to be due to cardiac arrests – five times greater than a usual day.

Soon after, many other incidents indicated that physical and emotional triggers, such as environmental disasters and vigorous physical exercise (particularly in those who are already at risk), can precipitate heart attacks.

Two years ago, a landmark global study – the INTERHEART study – managed to provide us with some numbers.

Using questionnaires, researchers compared 15,152 cases of heart attacks to 14,820 controls in 52 countries to find out if risk factors for heart attacks impact people of different races or from countries differently.

One notable finding was that psychosocial risk factors were more common amongst those who had heart attacks. You can reduce stress levels by just making the effort to laugh.

From the study findings, it was estimated that if psychosocial risk factors alone (including stress and depression) were eliminated, 32.5% of heart attacks could be prevented.

The same study estimated that eliminating lifetime smoking alone would reduce heart attacks by 35.7%. Eliminating hypertension would reduce heart attacks by 17.9% and eliminating obesity would reduce the incidence by 20.0%.

Who knew preventing a heart attack could also be just one positive thought, or therapist, away?

Type As and stress

You really can’t miss a Type A if you come across one. They are highly-strung, competitive, impatient, brash and sometimes rude.

And you can see why they are stressed out. Their workaholic tendencies take a toll on their health and their constant pursuit of perfection often leads to disappointments.

As Jeanie Lerche Davis wrote in the medical information website WebMD, “The classic Type A personality – competitive, impatient, uptight – is a heart attack waiting to happen. And that heart attack will likely happen sooner rather than later.”

A little stress is actually good for you. It helps you stay energetic, motivated and alert. In emergencies, stress also prepares you to respond adequately to danger, protecting you from harm.

But when stress levels remain high or when an individual fails to adapt to the stress, the stress response systems in the body will be continuously activated, resulting in persistent high levels of stress hormones and elevation of blood pressure, heart rate and contractility (the contraction of heart muscles), says Prof Ainsah, who is also the Deputy Dean of Research and Postgraduate Studies at the Faculty of Medicine, Universiti Teknologi Mara (UiTM).

“These will be detrimental to the heart,” she adds.

Stress pulls the trigger

The role of stress in heart attacks can generally be described with this analogy: your diet, lifestyle or genetic tendencies to get a heart attack loads the gun, and stress pulls the trigger.

Although it does not directly cause the onset of a heart attack the way a sudden blockage or narrowing of the heart arteries does, it sets the stage for them to happen.

First of all, stress is associated with some behaviours that increase a person’s risk of heart attacks.

Psychological stress is one of the important factors associated with smoking. Some eat excessively to cope with stress and negative emotions, leading to obesity – an important risk factor not only for heart disease, but also for a myriad of other diseases.

Secondly, stress involves biological changes within our body where stress hormones and biochemicals that can trigger increased blood pressure and heart rate are released.

“(Stress) can also increase lipid and triglyceride levels which cause hyperlipidaemia and increases the risk of developing heart disease,” Prof Ainsah says.

Besides, UK researchers have also found evidence that stress can trigger the release of high levels of clot-forming platelets – little cell fragments that can form clots in the coronary arteries.

Dealing with stress

We should take note that stress is not equivalent to stressful situations. While stressful situations may give rise to stress, your response to these situations partly determines your stress levels and how much they affect you.

“Personality determines how one reacts to stressful situations,” Prof Ainsah says.

Take Type A personalities as an example. Besides being aggressive, highly motivated and competitive, people who carry the trait are also easily worried, anxious and unable to express their anger and dissatisfaction frankly.

“If you are a person with Type A personality, you need to modify your attitude and avoid (being) extremely perfectionist,” Prof Ainsah advises.

It is alright to set high expectations, but one should be able to accept failures if the expectations are not met, she adds.

Workaholics, she says, should also ensure they have adequate time for rest and recreational activities.

Even with increasing evidence that stress does have a role to play in heart attacks, stress reduction has yet to be endorsed as a specific recommendation to prevent heart attacks.

The American Heart Association (AHA), in its short write-up on stress and heart attacks, says current data don’t yet support specific recommendations about stress reduction as a proven therapy for cardiovascular disease.

The variation of stressors and the way they affect people contribute to the difficulty in designing studies to evaluate the effects of stress and the efficiency of stress reduction in preventing heart attacks.

Of those that have been carried out, the AHA says that studies using psychosocial therapies to prevent second heart attacks are promising and people who feel depressed, anxious or overwhelmed by stress after a heart attack or stroke should talk to their doctor or other healthcare professional.

Or, you could try to laugh more often.

“Research has demonstrated that laughter reduces stress through various mechanisms,” Prof Ainsah says.

Laughter reduces stress by reducing levels of stress hormones (cortisol, noradrenaline) and releases anti-stress biochemicals such as endorphins.

On top of reducing blood pressure and pulse rates that were raised during stress, the reduction of stress hormones also allows the immune system to function properly.

Anti-stress biochemicals like endorphins, on the other hand, can elevate people’s moods and make them perceive less stress.

If you’re not sure you could lighten up your mood alone, surround yourself with happy people because just like laughter, moods are contagious too. Building a good support system can also go a long way in helping you handle stress better.

“Every one of us is bound to face stress, especially in the modern, challenging world,” Prof Ainsah says.

“We may not be able to control our life stressors, but we can change the way we perceive stress.”

Indeed, a positive state of mind could be your ticket to a healthy heart too.

Drop your bra

Editor's note: This article has not been vetted but the arguments seem logical. But then, I am not an oncologist. Again it could be propagated by the same guy who announced free mammogram tests by asking the women to stand by opened windows for a high-tech satellite to scan over their exposed breasts.

Tell your wife or girlfriends. ... if you have more than one. Bra business will go out of business if we seriously sent this out to all the females.

Do you wear bra for the whole day and even at home? - You should read this article.

Do you wear bra for the whole day and even at home? I think we should go bra-free after reading this article. It's a message for your health. Please pass this to all female friends you know. I think it's important to be aware of the following facts...

For years, a lot of articles with regards to the causes of breast cancer point to an unhealthy diet and lack of exercise as the major links to this disease which happens to be the biggest killer among women during these last two decades.

These studies would have been most credible if it were not for the fact that several women including Linda McCartney who have been religious vegetarians and exercise- freaks have also been unfortunate in suffering breast cancer.

Perhaps the most convincing article I have ever read with regards to this matter is one which links breast cancer to the wearing of bras. In the "Bra and Breast Cancer Study" in the United States , It was discovered that women with breast cancer had a history of sporting tighter and longer bra-wearing than did the women who had not (yet) developed the disease.

In fact, virtually the entire cancer group wore bras over 12 hours. When a woman wears a tight bra, she subjects her breasts to pressure, closing off the lymphatic pathway from the breast to the nodes. This causes fluid built-up swelling, tenderness and cyst formation. Toxins must be flushed out via the lymphatic. However, a bra-constricted breast cannot adequately perform this cleansing process, resulting in toxin accumulation in the breast...

Truthfully, bras are creating droopy, weak breasts..... .the breast relies on the bras for artificial support; the body loses its ability to support the breast by itself. This is why many women feel uncomfortable without the bra.

What is the solution to breast cancer then? DON'T WEAR A TIGHT BRA! And maybe sleep without them.

There is a remarkable success rate for recovery from fibrocystic breast disease within 10 days to two weeks of going bra-free. Many women have tried going bra-less and recorded a miraculous improvement in their health! Bra burning is no longer a feminist issue....It is now a battle between life and death. We should make others more aware of the hazards of wearing them......

.... Please pass this to every female you know

Peter and Carol Lamm tied their wedding knot

Editor's note: Some of you might remember our friends Peter Lamm and his girlfriend, Carol. They finally got married in Singapore - Carol's home country. So it does prove that long-distance Internet romance does work! Check out their simple wedding photos here.

Baby Samantha

Lina and Matt Buchanan just have a new addition to their family. Her name is Samantha.

http://samanthababypictures.shutterfly.com/